Love hurts Version B
by Elebridith
Summary: Lit - The second version of the Love hurts series. It's about Rory and how she feels about Jess. Just another way I thought it should've went. It contains stroylines from A family matter and Nag Hammadi. COMPLETED. Please R
1. You had me

**A/N **: This is the second story about Jess and Rory, post Nag Hammadi is where they found the gnostic gospels.

Disclaimer: ow yeah, I don't own GG or the storyline but I do own whatever they think and said that wasn't thought and said on the show. nah!

**Love hurts – part 2**

**Chapter 1 – You had me**

Everything was cool, everything was going fine… I was settling in at Yale, studying, becoming more independent… and than he had to show up for that piece of junk one could call a car with loads of imagination. Ever since I saw him asleep in his car something deep inside woke up. I remember that night to be very cold. My mom and I were just walking and talking and than I saw it. The car, his car… I wasn't prepared for this and I certainly wasn't ready. Still, I couldn't help walking over there to affirm what I already knew: that it was Jess's car and he was in it. I couldn't think, I could only stare… I felt empty, and there was a huge, black hole where my heart had been. My mom was talking on the phone to Jason and when she spotted the car she hastily said goodbye. I wish she didn't had done that… I didn't want to talk and whatever she got to say, I didn't want to hear. I didn't want to think about it, I didn't want to face it and him, I feared the reactions because I felt to weak to defend me or Jess… I didn't know why I should want to defend Jess, but still… My mom reached my side, and we stood there for a while, in the middle of the street. It was late and Stars Hollow is small, so it wasn't dangerous or anything. 'So… I guess he's back'… My mouth felt dry, I felt my heart stop for a minute while I was staring at his hair, which I ran my fingers through like a million times and his leather jacket which means trouble for all these narrow minded people here. 'yeah, I guess he is…' Suddenly I couldn't be there anymore… I had to get out. I started walking home while saying to my mom: 'I'm going home, I really don't need this right now' She nodded understandingly… I could see in her eyes that she was going to give me all the space I needed. I was glad that for one she didn't say something sarcastic…

While I was walking home, hands in my pocket and shivering, but not only from the cold weather, I thought of Joss Stone…

"You had me  
You lost me  
You're wasted  
You cost me  
I don't want you here messing with my mind"

It was true… it was all true and I definitely didn't want him to be here, messing with my mind. This year had been hard enough… Dean getting married, Yale, roommates, Paris who cheated on Jamie, mom busy with the dragonfly… dealing with Jess, getting over it… was I over it? I didn't know… I certainly didn't feel ready to start something new with someone else... not that there was anyone of interest, but I just couldn't do it yet… I could not put time and energy into someone else, if I really needed it myself.

I reached the house, which was dark and cold. I put on some lights and the heating, took a book to study and sat down on the couch. I couldn't really focus though… Images kept coming up, memories… I felt sad. But this time, I didn't feel tears burning behind my eyes, so maybe I was getting over it? Maybe I was already a little.

When my mom arrived I was staring at the wall. I quickly bend my head and started writing, so it at least appeared like I was studying and not thinking of Jess. She told me that Jess's mom was in town and that she phoned Jess about his car which Luke apparently hid so Jess wouldn't be working at Wal-Mart. A slight feeling of disappointment came over me. So, he wasn't in town to see me… I could slap myself. 'Of course not in town to see you Rory! Not everything is about you!' My sad feeling deepened. I said goodnight to mom and went to bed. I didn't sleep much though…

The next day I kept running into him… I could've stayed nicely and safely at home, but it was my town and I didn't want to be the girl that changes her life just to not run into her ex-boyfriend... I had been many girls I didn't want to be when I was with him and it was over. O-V-E-R. I was a big girl... but whatever my head told me, whenever I saw him I immediately wanted to run of and hide somewhere in a small place, where nobody could see me. I couldn't stand it, I couldn't bare seeing him, I couldn't handle the confrontation…

The first time we bumped into each other was at the bakery. It was not a place I was expecting him, I kinda thought he would've been at Luke's (that's why I went to the bakery). I guess Luke's not to keen on him either. I suppressed the feeling of wanting to run and hide. He wasn't that strong and he got up and left. It's a habit, I suppose...

The second time was at the bookstore. I did have a feeling he would be there, but I had to be there too. And again he went off. I sighed. It was difficult enough to keep running into him, but not even 'hello'?

And our last meeting – well... i just snapped – and before we knew it we were running around like idiots... well, i was running and he was chasing after me. Because he had to tell me something... he better could've said: 'hey, would you mind standing still? I want to drop a bomb on you' ... Because that is really what it felt like... we stood there, gasping for breath, I'm all rambling Rory, as usual and I was like:

"You know, I have actually thought about this moment. A lot. What would Jess say to me I ever saw him again? I mean, he just took off, no note, no call, nothing, how could he explain that? And then a year goes by. No word, nothing, so he couldn't possibly have a good excuse for that, right? I have imagined hundreds of different scenarios with a hundred different great last parting lines, and I have to tell you that I am actually very curious to see which way this is going to go."

I heard myself go on and on, in a dragging voice... his answer was... no answer at all. He said in a forcing kind of way:

"Could we sit down?"

"No. You wanted to talk, so talk. What do you have to say to me?"

There, I said it! I wasn't easy going, I was determined and showed that I didn't let him get to me. I was very proud of myself for saying that, for standing up for myself like that. And than, he dropped the bomb:

"I love you."

Off course, he turns around and leaves me standing there, speechless. Before it sunk in, he left for a third time... and I stood there, staring at his red backlights, disappear into the dark. He loves me... couldn't he have said that a bit earlier? I feel a bit numb… he just said it like that… and then he took off again… I feel like I want to wrap my arms around him, I want to be with him, I want to talk to him, I want to know why…

**PS **review pleasse? pretty please? puppy eyes?


	2. I've been thinking about you

**A/N**: At first I wanted to make this second story also a one-parter but it seemed like i had lots of inspiration. Yes, the storries are independent of each other but off course,there will be similarities. I hopeI made them different enough though. Enjoy reading

**Disclaimer**: still not making money out of this... too bad though

**Chapter 2 – I've been thinking about you**

A couple of weeks later I am still a bit in shock. The difference is, I am not speechless anymore. Not that I actually have talked to someone about it, but in my head I certainly have many conversations regarding the 'I love you' Jess so kindly dropped on me. What should I do with this? Did I feel that too? I sure am not over him yet… but do I really want to? He hurt me big time… at times I could still feel some of it. But I also miss him, I miss having our conversations about books and music and movies… I miss getting a hug, or a soft kiss… I miss someone to share my life with. Yes, I tell my mom everything and yes, I have four roommates. I indeed also have Lane and there'll always be Dean, who I see regularly now. But it's just not the same. With the risk of sounding like a dumb schoolgirl who reads those romantic little books: where is the passion in my life? I'm at Yale, but I'm not that much of a nerd that I get wildly crazy about some book…

I already spent many hours walking around, having conversations in my head… my moods swing constantly… one minute or hour or day I could be determined that I did never ever want that little black haired punk back in my life again… and than it suddenly switches and do I want to hold him and fill the hole in my heart he left there. It's all very confusing. After a while, I made a decision: I should speak to Lane about it.

So I go to Luke's and buy some donuts and coffee and head to Lane's apartment, which she now shared with Zach and Brian. It's not easy to have a private conversation but Lane does everything about it to try and make it happen. We do some small talk and I don't seem to tell her easily and at some point, it slips out.

'Jess told me he loves me'

Lane has this shocked look on her face, her mouth hangs a little open, her eyes all wide… I can read on her face that she doesn't really now how to react on this – is it a good thing or a bad thing? The thing is: I don't know!

'So … what now?' she asks me. A safe question and a good one too.

'I don't know. He said it and he left… again. It was at the firelight festival…'

Lane freaks a bit out at this news. She can't believe I didn't tell her right away… she's right, it is an important thing… or maybe not, because jess and I aren't dating any more…. I feel a bit guilty though…

'Sorry… I just wanted to... let it sink in. I don't really know what to think of it myself… and I guess I couldn't handle or better, I was afraid of handling harsh reactions… I haven't told my mom either. I've been thinking about it for weeks! I can't stop thinking about it… I don't know what to do.. should I do something?

I turn to Lane… she shakes her head and says: 'do you want to do something? I mean… I don't know what's going on inside of you about Jess. We never really discussed it, not when you guys were dating, not when he left… how did you handle it?'

'I just kinda ignored it and time does heal some wounds… backpacking through Europe certainly kept my mind busy, although… it was rough. I spent hours and hours crying silently…'

Lane takes me into her arms. It feels good… why didn't I talk about it with her? She's my best friend right? We sit like that for a while.. then we pull away…

'So… ?' she asks

'Yeah, so… I don't know! I'm not over him yet, but I don't know how to define what's left? Is it anger? Disappointment? Love? Loneliness? Who can tell?' I feel desperate… there's no answer to this… at the same time I feel trapped – trapped in a situation I didn't choose to be in at the first place. It dominates me, it rules my life… I have to do something!

When I share these thoughts with Lane she keeps very calm. I thought she was going to tell me I was hysteric or something, but she is very cool.

'Maybe you guys need a decent conversation?'

I look at her in horror. I try to explain that every time I saw him I really wanted to get as far away as possible. Europe's really appealing right now… Norway or so... just far far far away!

'Well, don't you think that is the problem? You never really talked about it, so I'm guessing you never really dealt with this… you haven't spoken to your mom, you haven't said anything to me and you certainly haven't discussed it with Jess. You probably have a diary dedicated to him alone…'

She's right…

'So you think, that when jess and I have a decent talk I can get closure and move on?'

'I guess so… and I truly hope so! You always wanting to run away… it's like you don't want to face it.. and I just think you should'

'Lane Kim, woman of the world! When did you get this smart?'

'Well, I kinda had to do the same thing with Dave… long distance, other people in our lives… at some point you have to face it.'

I felt horrible… how could I forget Dave? How could I forget Lane and Dave were dating? When did this happen?

'Why didn't you tell me?'

'Oh well… same reason you didn't tell me either I guess… it feels good to share it though'

I smile. 'Yes it does'

We sit there for a while in comfortable silence. Zach and Brian couldn't live without Lane any longer (they were hungry) so I decide to leave. I wander around the streets of Stars Hollow, still thinking about Jess. My feet take me to Luke's… and it isn't because I was hungry. It's a slow moment so I go to Luke and we talk a little. Then I ask him for Jess's phone number. Jess appears to be always on the road, so he gives me Liz's number.

That very same night, I ring her. She's very enthusiastic. She tells me Jess still doesn't have a cell phone but he rings her every two or three days and since it's been two days he'll probably call soon. She actually kinda expected it to be him. I apologize, but she says it's nothing but I can tell she doesn' really mean it. She promises to tell Jess that I called and she'll ask him to phone me back. When I hang up, I don't have a good feeling about it. Jess returning a phone call? That would be a first!


	3. Here we are

Disclaimer: Not mine!

**Chapter 3 – Here we are**

Three days go by, no phone call. My mood darkens and I lock myself up in my dorm room. I order some pizza and put a Lord of the rings-dvd in de player. I want to watch by myself, I want to be alone and I want to be alone with my thoughts. While I sit there, my blanket around me, eating pizza… tears start rolling. I can't help it… the screen's all fuzzy, my cheeks are wet… I let myself cry. It feels good, it feels like I'm cleansed. I turn the dvd off and go to bed. Exhausted I fall in a dreamless sleep.

The next morning the sun is shining. It isn't spring yet, but you can feel it coming. I overslept horribly but for once I don't care. I feel lighter, opened up… ready to face the world. I decide to go outside for a walk and breakfast. I open the door and I literally bump into someone.

'Jess.'

He puts up his left eyebrow. 'Rory.'

I feel a little dizzy. Jess is here at my dorm… I can't run away now…

'How come you're here?'

'I called my mom and she told me you called me and I knew I was going to be in the neighbourhood a couple of days later, so I figured I should go by.'

I don't know what to think… it's a bit unexpected…

There's an awkward silence while we stand there staring at the floor.

'You want some coffee?'

'Yeah, sure'

We walk to the place with the best coffee. I order my breakfast and ask him if he would like anything. He's fine…

Since it's just such a beautiful day I suggest we go to the park and sit on a bench, which is ok by him. We find one, in the sun… we sit next to each other, with 30 cm between us. The awkward silence continues. I just don't know what to say…

'So… here we are'

'Yes we are' … it sounds familiar… the memory put a smile on my face. I look at jess and see that he's thinking the same thing. Now we're smiling at each other. That seems to break the ice a little.

'So, my mom said you…'

At the same time I began: 'so, I wanted to…' we laugh… I suggest he goes first…

'Well, you ringed my mom because apparently you wanted to talk to me'

'Yeaaaaah… it's uhm it's about that thing you said the other time'

'Oh that'

'Yeah, that… Why did you say that?'

'Because I mean it'

'You still do?'

'Yup'

'Why did you leave immediately?'

'I felt too vulnerable to stand there in the middle of your hometown. I'm always the visitor. You could've gotten mad or your mom could've seen me and kick my ass… I … I just couldn't handle that'.

A nice, honest answer from jess. No sarcasm, no jokes… this was weird.

'That's very honest… I've never seen you like this'

'Well, I've been much on the road. Alone, with my thoughts… sometimes you come to a conclusion'

There it was again, a little sarcasm… it was nicely meant though…

'What about you Rory Gilmore?'

'What about me?'

'What have you been up to?'

He recovered quickly, but I could tell he actually wanted to ask something else…

'Yale… busy… being independent, doing my laundry, reading, studying, writing papers…'

'Sounds boring'

'To some people maybe'

'No I don't mean the studying part, it's just… do you go out? Are you a student? Or at least, do you behave like one?'

'You mean do I get drunk every week and have sex with the first drunk guy who wants me? No thanks'

'Ah, I see you haven't changed a bit'

I stuck my tongue out…

'So what about you Jess Mariano?'

'I work… I have a messenger job. I work alone, spend most of the time in some inn along the road. The days I'm not working I divide between Liz and Jimmy.'

I didn't know what to say – it sounded like he's got it together… it remains silent for a while… then I ask, before I can stop myself:

'Are you happy?'

Very Jess-like he immediately shots back: 'Are you?'

'I asked you first!' I whined…

It remains silent….

'Jess?'


	4. The end is the beginning is the end

**Dislaimer:** You really think a girl like me owns this stuff? Very flattering but not true!

Literaiever: i'm sorry for the cliff hanger. I didn't really do it on purpose or anything, it just kinda happened ;) Hope you enjoy the story though :)

Aquarian Girl: Thanks for being such a supportive and loyal reviewer :)

**Chapter 4 – the end is the beginning is the end**

'Am I happy you ask?' he plays with his fingers, his elbows rest on his knees and he stares into the distance. 'I've been better, I've been worse I guess.'

I look at him, I study him… he's calm. That's good. He's not trying to get out and do his own thing. He tries. I let him speak at his own time.

'How's that so?'

He shrugged… 'Come on Rory, can't you guess it?'

'I'm done guessing Jess. I want to hear it.'

'Well, it's like I said: I love you. I still do and I mean it! And it just not easy… I said it, when I didn't really want to… I mean.., I kinda figured you never wanted to see me again and probably would never want to hear from me again. But than I had to go to Stars Hollow and I kept bumping into you… and it just slipped.'

I sat in silence. I didn't really know what to think… so he means it, but he hadn't meant to say it… what did I have to make of that? If he hadn't had said it, I would still be in the process of getting over it… maybe I would've been by now. But, he said what he said and I didn't have any reason to doubt him. The question now was: what was I feeling?

'Rory?'

I'm back to earth…

'Yeah?'

'So, what exactly did you want to talk about except the… eh obvious,'

'I wanted to talk to you… just I don't know… ever since you said…' I hesitate for a moment '… it, I couldn't stop thinking about it. And I couldn't stop thinking about you and us and how it all went… and I don't know what to do. I feel trapped, I can't focus on anything… and I thought that maybe when we talked it would become clear…'

'So you want closure?' His voice sounds hard

'Yes… no! I don't know! I just knew this had to stop… this thinking, the whirling thoughts, the memories…'

'Huh'

'Come on Jess! You do owe me some explanations you know!'

'I guess I do…'

And he begins telling just about everything he did, he thought and why he did and thought it… I don't interrupt. I just watch him while he'ss talking. I suck up every word he says and lock it in my brain.

'… So and now we're sitting here…' he ended.

A silence fell…

'Why didn't you call me'?

'Well see that's not entirely true. I did call you, I just couldn't talk to you… I froze by hearing your voice… '

'e-mail?'

'Didn't know how to say it'

'A letter?'

'Ditto'

I sighed… it was hopeless…

'Rory?'

'Yeah?'

'How do you feel now?'

'Uhm, to be perfectly honest… I don't know. I feel like it's all a bit hopeless. You can't really change the past and although I now know the story behind it all, it doesn't make it any easier to close it up or get over it or forgive you or whatever… You really hurt me! I wasn't ready to face you back at the Firelight festival. I wanted to run and hide… and I really dreamed literally a hundred times about what would happen if we saw each other again, what you would say, what I would say… but I never thought it was going to affect me this much. And than you said … it… and you left again. That's three times you know'

'Yeah, believe me, I know!'

'What do you want Jess? You said… it… and… now what? What do you want to happen? Do you want to get back together… do…' I had to ask these questions or I would burst... I wasn't quite sure that I wanted to hear the answer though...

He interrupts me… 'Do you?' he asks expectantly.

'I don't know!' The truth is: I really don't…

'There still definitely something there… I know it for sure now that I'm here sitting with you… but we really need to talk about lots of stuff, Jess. And not just about the past! It'll have to happen in the future again! It's not easy for you, I get that… and you don't have to tell me every little thought… but every once and a while a glance at the big picture would be very nice!'

Jess nodded understandingly...

He came a little closer… now we were like 10 cm apart. We face each other and our eyes meet… tension's in the air. My heart starts beating faster... but there's this little voice in my head that goes like: 'Don't be stupid Rory! He's going to abandon you again!' But the sound of my heart is bigger than that annoying little voice.

'Do you really mean this, Jess?' I almost begged him.. but I just had to know! He couldn't do all that stuff to me again...

'I do! Rory, my girl, you have no idea… all those hours on the road, listening to music… I analysed it to death. I want this! I really do…'

I sighed… I took his hands in mine and looked deep into his eyes…

'You really want to do this?'

'Yeah!'

'Again?'

'Over and over again'

'You're sure?'

'Are you sure?'

'I'm mental…' I shook my head. I couldn't believe I was doing this...

'Good enough for me' he laughed.

He pulled me closer, leaned in en placed his soft, slightly wet lips on mine… and I let him…

And right than and there I knew that it was right.

THE END

**PS so you guys, this was the final chapter of Part 2. For part 3 I would like to be more true to the storyline on the show with both Jess's en Rory's POV. What do you guys think?**

**By the way: thank you so much for updating: it really helps to keep writing (although I should be doing some serious homework though... thank God for breaks :-) )**


	5. Author's Note

**Author's note:**

I realize I have misnamed my stories in the Love Hurts-series. They're actually different versions of mid-season 4 so I decided to rename them version A (previously part 1), version B (part 2) en version C (part 3)

I'm sorry for the inconvenience!

The first chapter of version C will have to wait a couple of days I'm afraid…

Have a nice weekend!


End file.
